Before I retired I worked full time in a demanding and fulfilling job.  As a teacher and as a principal I had many challenges and often wondered why the heck I kept busting my butt to do a good job.   There were many reasons, however, that I kept at it and I'm glad that I did.   High among the reasons was a work ethic which was instilled in me from childhood from my caring and nurturing parents.  Also, were the many rewards... no not financial rewards.. but the satisfaction of having done something that helped other people.  Probably among the nicest things my husband ever said to me was, "I make money but you make a difference."  More than likely he doesn't remember that statement made many years ago, but it kept me going for a very long time.
More than ten years ago I began thinking about retirement.  I was a principal and my whole life was doing what needed to be done to support children, staff and parents and to make my school a good place to learn, to work and to visit.  Retirement terrified me because that is pretty much all I did.  I worked.  I worked on weekends and at night.   When I was in a traditional calendar school I often worked during the summer to plan and prepare for the next school year.   Don't get me wrong.. I did enjoy my summers and vacations, but by the end of summer, I was often bored and anticipating going back to work.
I decided to take up painting.  I decided to begin walking regularly.  Painting to give me something to do when I retired and walking to stay healthy.  Thankfully I still paint and can do more than stick figures.  I'm still learning and still developing skills with guidance from teachers, friends and family.  I also still walk.
When I was working I walked once a week.  I walked from my house to Gelson's and back up the hill to my house - a round trip of about 3 1/2 miles.  When I first started walking I told myself it was for the exercise.
Now that I've retired I'm trying to walk twice a week... usually that same trip.  On today's walk I did some soul searching and realized that the walk, while it has the benefit of being exercise, is not really about walking.... After all when I eat the bagel and cream cheese at the bottom of the hill at Gelson's, I've gained far more calories than I've managed to use up on my puny little walk.  But it IS about really seeing the beautiful area where I'm lucky to live and breathing the outside air and it's about self examination and just ruminating on the events of the week or year.  That thinking part is really what blogging is all about too. 
I just finished a quick novel by J.A. Jance called "Web Of Evil".  (I read when I walk, by the way... a practice that makes most people laugh and on rare occasions leads to awkward and embarrassing falls.)  Anyhow, the heroine of the story is a blogger.  Unlike me, she has a wide audience and many adventures, but she also blogs to process events in her life.  In that same way I believe that blogging and walking are for me, ways to process thoughts and events in life.
I was thinking today about people and art and galleries.  My friend, Sharon, had her work recently in the Two Dogs Gallery.  Last night they had a new opening with different artists but the owner, Henry, had invited us to join in the fun.  I dragged my 7 year old and my dad to the opening and WOW what a jam!!  Once again Henry outdid himself with wonderful food and drink to spice up the evening.  People were spilling out into the street and there were so many inside that it was hard to really see all of the art.  I'll have to go back to look another time.  What struck me last night was the difference between people.  Sharon was busy chatting with acquaintances and "networking".  She's good at that.. It's one of her many talents and assets.  I guess I'm shy and may never really develop that skill unless I decide to work at it.   The question is.. do I want to?
I received an email from my art teacher first thing this morning.. encouraging me and thanking me for saying nice things about her in this blog.  Trust me, if I didn't think the nice things, I wouldn't be writing them.  I appreciate good teaching.  I like learning. 
Why do I paint?  Hmmmmmmm so complex.  I paint because I want to get better at it.  Will it ever be good enough?  It will and it won't.  I like the journey.  But I keep asking what do I want to do with all of these paintings?  I guess I'd like to sell them.  I think I'd like to really know that if I give them to friends, they'd be really happy and proud to receive them.  I'm not sure if I'll ever have the personality to chat up a gallery owner or go out and really market the art.  I send out emails and cards for the shows my work is in, but that may be all I'm willing to do.  I want the art to continue to be a pleasure for me...   I don't really want a new job.  I'm no longer terrified of retirement.  I have a great family, a beautiful place where I live, interesting things to do and constant challenges to help me grow.  What more can I want?
(Of course I'd love to figure out what to do with all of these paintings that are piling up...  )

I'm including some photos of a stream I get to enjoy on my walk.   Surprising for Southern California, it always has water in it, but right now it's singing its way down the hill a bit fuller from the recent rains.